New Direction in the Roller Coaster Journey

WOW! The last 2 months have been crazy! Honestly, I have been majorly depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts. I don't think I would have ever carried it out... thanks to the wonderful Gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge I have. But I knew those thoughts weren't normal so it was scary enough.....
I can't believe I just admitted all that. I haven't had a problem sharing with others the thoughts and feelings I had of it when I was teenager (thanks birth control!). However, while in the midst of it is quite difficult.


I do believe that it is something that a lot of us women (and men) struggle with and just won't admit it to others, let alone ourselves. Maybe not the suicide aspect but for sure the depression. None of us want to admit that we are not perfect; that we struggle with accomplishing everything in a timely manner; that we scramble to get out kids hair perfect or the suede on the couch the same direction before anyone sees it. Then when others come over we hurry, take a couple deep breathes and pretend that we are happy and calm. What is wrong with our society? Nothing. We have just been conditioned that way. It was a good idea back in the 50's when the husband walks in the door and the table is set with the nice linen cloth and pot roast on the table, but we are at extremes. Life has gotten busier and we have more demand on our physical bodies, mental brains and our time. That type of combination with perfection is a time bomb waiting to happen. (Don't get me wrong I'm sure the 50's housewife was depressed. I mean, come on, Rock 'n Roll was destroying their children's lives LOL).


We are in a new era, with new demands. We need to face reality. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT, nor will we be until the next life (even then I think we will still be growing and striving). When are we going to let go? Let go and admit to others that we have been depressed or may be at times, perhaps even thought of that other greener pasture, and that we need help sometimes; help with kids, family, house cleaning, church callings, projects, etc?


"...Men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25 We ARE meant to have JOY!!!!! So why don't we break down our own walls and personal feelings and give someone else the blessings of service?
Remember that by asking others for help we are allowing them to receive blessings! Don't you think maybe they are feeling like you and could use the blessings? :oD


Let us admit to ourselves and others that we face issues such as depression, unworthiness, self loathing, incapability feelings (because we know we really are capable :o) and maybe even suicide. By doing this, and the world becoming more open with these issues, you will find that you are NOT alone in this. You ARE good enough. Most of your friends, neighbors and family have dealt with it at least once in their life. You ARE normal AND you are not meant to feel like this. You are meant to have JOY! You just need to find out how. How maybe the tricky part IF and only if, you don't know where to look for the tools. This is where others come in. Others who have the experience, knowledge and tools to help. But most importantly, others who will listen to you. Who you can talk to and complain with and find the joy in life with.


This is to my friends who listen to me as well as help me find my joy. THANK YOU! I love you, K.W & S.S.!


Now, I will  be journaling about the last two months of my one of my darkest times and of almost giving up but through fasting and prayer receiving the guidance we needed to head down the path we are currently one.... I am nervous because I don't want to admit to any of this right now; mainly because I don't want the sympathy and "oh, I'm so sorry"s, "what can I do", "call me if you need anything"s. I know they mean well, heck I would say the same thing fully intending every word, ready to jump at a moments notice but still, ha, I don't want it said to me. :o/ Total hypocrite haha.
Anyway, there's something about it. I don't want others to look at me different. Wondering if I'm happy or angry or sad that day. Tip toeing around what they do or say around me. I was even scared that no one would trust me to watch their kids anymore (we do a lot of kid swaps). I mean really, you don't want to send your kid over with someone who is depressed and thinking of suicide. But a good note to all who read this... I know my limits, if I can't babysit that day whether time wise or emotionally wise (too stressed) I will tell you no. And especially the last 2 months, though I don't have those 'thoughts' anymore I still get stressed easier and so I just haven't babysat any one's kids. I don't think I could handle it, ha.


So as hard as it is for me I'm going to take my own advice (though I don't expect any of you do admit in the middle of it, unless you really want too) and tell the world wide web about this. We started with a homeopathic on Wednesday and have soo much to share from that as well. Amazing. "I never thought I could feel the Spirit at a doctor's office." - Mark

New Meal Plan

So excited for my new meal plan!!!!
After finishing my extra hard prep program.. btw I finished out that last week, that I knew would be hard, GREAT. I'm so proud, if I do say so myself.
After that I asked Danny to give me something new. I wanted to try to go with less protein and more fruits and veggies, the way that I want to normally eat (my family doesn't do well with a lot of protein). To prepare myself for when I will eat on my own without guidance.
So today is my first day of new food. I went grocery shopping and was soo excited to buy lots of fruit. :oD

Worked out with Danny today. Did lots of boxing and core workout. It was great. I needed that extra hard boxing.
Thankfully, my back is feeling better. Apparently, the high humidity here this week plays havoc on degenerative discs. Learning new things everyday. I have been in a lot of pain but only found some relief with walking. Thankfully, it's getting better so that I can up the intensity again.
Well, gotta go help/get my kids cleaning. Then off for a date with my hubby. :oD We are going to see Pirates. And hopefully we can go for a bike ride in the morning before he goes to work.
Have a fun Friday MM peeps. 

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  By Ben D on July 08, 2011 9:12pm

  I certainly miss the fruit, especially out here as summer gets warmer & warmer. The pit fruit and melons are outragously good right now. I could live on the all fruit and some protein diet
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  By Tanya on July 08, 2011 2:59pm

  Yeah for feeling better! Praying for continued healing. Food choices sound tummy. R u getting protien for yourself somewhere else? Burn some calories while cleaning... :)
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  By Sandy Kaunisto on July 08, 2011 2:48pm

  Date night love those. Great job Rachel.

Long Day

It's been a long day. Son is still not better. Going to bed. Talk to ya all tomorrow.

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  By Ben D on July 08, 2011 11:55am

  Sorry to hear that. My youngest had chronic ear infections until we had him "tubed" - but I remember what it was like. Hang in there - the antibiotics will work and the world will be right again.

Mini Challenge

How did everyone do on their mini challenge today?
I did 2min plank on a medicine ball. Then 1min on the ball & 1 min regular. Then the last two minutes regular. Beat THAT!
Then the wall sits I did my 3mins straight baby!!! Woohoo!
I however didn't make it to doing the 500 crunches today but will tomorrow!

Ps My son is doing better. He started an ear infection last night but is now on antibiotics. yeah.

Well off to bed. Have an early start tomorrow due to an early doc appt. Take Care!!!

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  By Donna Jones on July 07, 2011 6:35am

  great job with the planks :) you are a rockin and rollin....so glad he will be feeling better in no time :)
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  By Erin Keith on July 07, 2011 5:46am

  Glad to hear that your son is doing better!!!! I'll do my crunches with ya today....I completely ran out of time yesterday!
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  By Christina B. on July 07, 2011 4:55am

  I totally missed out on seeing hte mini challenge journal ;(, but I have a new 8 week challenge to add to my list!!!
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  By thall24 on July 06, 2011 9:52pm

  I did a killer core routine and ab ripper x
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  By mikecalhoun on July 06, 2011 9:23pm

  nice job Rachel! keep it goin and soon enuff you can do it longer!

Photoshopping?

Does anyone know?
Okay so if the photographer fixed spots from the camera lens and erased a ginourmous bruise on my arm and smoothed out the melting make-up on my forehead does that count as photoshopping to make yourself look better? They are NOT the pictures I entered into measurements for the competition.
Maybe I will just delete the photos and ask to put up the unedited versions....
Anyone know?

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  By Ben D on July 06, 2011 11:22am

  personally, I'd just put up the priginals and leave it at that. Then you don;t have to listen to nonsense from anyone. And, if need be, shoot them again.
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  By mikecalhoun on July 06, 2011 8:59am

  put them both up, i don't think thats photo shopping either.
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  By thall24 on July 06, 2011 8:29am

  I wouldn't worry about it. The photo is for you and you only. If you need to clean some stuff up then go for it.
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  By Rachel Little on July 06, 2011 7:31am

  Just trying to make sure I'm completely on the good side lol
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  By Donna Jones on July 06, 2011 5:47am

  ditto to the others. i think photoshopping means; thinning out troubled areas ie: abs, inner/outer thighs, and/or adding enhancements. can't be sure but you could always call corporate to be sure :) is someone questioning you or are you just trying to make sure its okay?
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  By Christina B. on July 06, 2011 5:07am

  I agree with Kim. I'd just put the unedited versions up as well. It would be obvious that your body wasn't altered. The photoshop thing was kind of confusing. All I did was remove the evil red-eye I had going on!!! Hope that was okay.
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  By Tanya on July 06, 2011 12:14am

  That's crazy talk! :)
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  By Kim Stumpf on July 05, 2011 9:14pm

  That is odd :( were you accused of photo shopping?? I personally wouldn't count what the photographer did as photo shopping. I wouldn't delete them, but I would just add the unedited versions...it's not like you are trying to hide anything. I am sorry that someone is questioning your integrity!

Fourth of July

I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th. We had fun pulling weeds and then swimming. I had a full day off yesterday. I was nice not to feel guilty :oD. And yes I DID have Krispy Kremes for the first time in 1yr. My FB post yesterday was..." I laugh that after a Krispy Kreme breakfast, my children's faces look like the Sandlot boys' after their chaw... I am proud they've been conditioned so well."

Today has been laid back because our oldest boy got heat stroke (we believe) yesterday and still is recovering. I slept with him last night to make sure his fever went down and the such. Thankfully, we didn't have to take him to the ER. So today I have been tired and my back sore so I didn't make it to the gym but went for a good walk.

So Sandy says our 8 week challenge starts tomorrow. I better get my rear moving on food planning, huh? haha

Well good night and have fun!

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  By Sandy Kaunisto on July 05, 2011 8:36pm

  GOALS Today but since you have a sick son you get a by for today. Thinking about you son.
  Fire up tomorrow. Wanna hear about your progress.
  Take Care
  sk
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  By mikecalhoun on July 05, 2011 8:28pm

  hope your son gets better, that is no fun with heat stroke. meal planning, mine is about the same.

Congrats!

  I never got to congratulate those who made top 20! I know how hard you worked! You deserve it. Keep it up!
Love and congrats
Rachel :oD

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  By Erin Keith on July 06, 2011 5:20am

  Thank you, Rachel!
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  By Sandy Kaunisto on July 05, 2011 8:33pm

  You will be in the next top 20. Progress and your dedication will take you where you need to go.
  Get you goal up kiddo
  take care
  sk
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  By Rachel Little on July 05, 2011 9:36pm

  I wont be next years top 20 because I will look to good for it haha. I'm still hoping to get to be the next 5